A healthy relationship is a safe haven where you can freely express your feelings with no fear of your partner’s judgement. The common rule, however, is to express those feelings with respect. If one of the partners has to walk on eggshells so the other doesn’t explode, it’s no longer love but a hostile environment where the toxicity of one’s untamed anger slowly erodes trust and intimacy.
Here is what exactly happens if you or your partner keep the anger unleashed.
#1: Creates unsafe environment
A relationship can’t function if one of the parties feels unsafe. The sense of psychological and emotional safety gets lost due to anger issues in relationships over time because unpredictability destroys the sense of stability and trust.
This means that a partner can’t share their true feelings or express their needs as even the mildest disagreement can provoke angry explosions. As you can see from Liven reviews on Reddit, tools like mental health apps and therapy help with new habit formation, meaning that one can change their behavior over time with a pinch of consistency and patience.
#2: Leads to secrecy
The partner on the receiving end might develop defense strategies to protect their emotional well-being and minimize the occurrence of conflicts. They might:
- Stop sharing both good or bad news and lie about smaller things like how they spent money
- Filter their opinions even on such small matters as a place to celebrate the anniversary
- Avoid inviting friends or family over to prevent potential conflicts
They’ll hide their true feelings and thoughts and start to live a more private, guarded life. Unfortunately, such secrecy breaks down the foundation of trust and, ultimately, emotional intimacy.
#3: Creates emotional distance
Again, a partner might subconsciously fall into avoidance as a defense mechanism because that’s how their nervous system is trying to protect them from one’s outbursts. Those emotional walls will eventually lead to emotional detachment, which means partners stop seeking comfort or connection from one another.
Or that partner might resort to literal avoidance as well: they might work longer hours, spend more time with friends, or engage in solitary hobbies in order to reduce the risk of daily confrontation. The damage is done as the couple starts living two parallel lives 😔.
#4: Reduces open communication
As we’ve already said, no one likes being yelled at or called names. So, no wonder that a person will stop expressing their wants and needs in one’s presence. They’d keep their worries and frustrations to themselves and, eventually, give up trying altogether.
What could have been a minor, five-minute conversation turns into a major conflict, as anger jeopardizes your ability to solve problems together. And nothing good comes from never-ending shouting matches and a cycle of resentment.
📚 Interesting fact: According to John Gottman, couples who maintain open communication during conflicts are 5x more likely to stay together compared to couples who shut down emotionally.
#5: Decreases physical affection
Over time, physical intimacy (even such simple things as holding hands or hugging) will inevitably decrease, as it’s impossible to be affectionate with the one who hurts you, right?
Plus, your partner’s nervous system enters a ‘fight or flight’ mode: they’re constantly on high alert around you, looking for a threat. This state of hypervigilance is incompatible with the relaxed, safe state required for intimacy and physical closeness.
In turn, the lack of physical closeness only adds frustration and loneliness.
#6: Might lead to emotional and psychological abuse
We don’t mean to overgeneralize and conclude that every angry person name-calls, humiliates, and belittles their partner or uses threatening tone and body language to control and manipulate.
However, if your anger is higher than moderate, it might be more difficult for you to control your words and actions. In the end, you might inadvertently hurt your partner.
Sure, there is a difference between a one-time angry outburst and a pattern of abuse. The latter might include:
- Blame-shifting. One blames their partner for “making” them angry.
- Gaslighting. One denies their angry behavior and twists reality to make their partner question their memory or perception.
- Intimidation. One uses body language, tone of voice, or direct threats to control and manipulate their partner.
📚 Interesting fact: Victims of emotional abuse often report physical symptoms such as headaches, sleep problems, and chronic fatigue.
#7: Might lead to cycles of abuse
Again, anger is a risk factor here, not a cause. In abusive relationships, the abuser’s anger builds up gradually and further leads to explosions of emotional and/or physical violence. Further, the anger subsides, and the abuser shows remorse and affection. However, anger builds up eventually — and the cycle repeats itself again and again.
#8: Creates long-term resentment
According to the Gottman Institute, resentment is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that destroy your relationship along with the other three, namely, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling.
Resentment is dangerous as it’s a quiet, simmering form of hostility that slowly poisons your relationship. A person might hold grudges and find it difficult to move past old conflicts. Over time, resentment becomes a dominant emotion that overshadows love and compassion.
📚 Interesting fact: Ever wondered why you can’t forgive your partner for so long? Resentment activates brain regions associated with rumination, and this makes it even harder for the mind to let go of past wrongs.
#9: Impacts physical health
Living in a high-conflict environment long-term takes a serious toll on your body.
Over time, you’ll start experiencing high blood pressure, cardiovascular issues, digestive issues like stomach aches and chronic indigestion, and a weakened immune system.
📚 Interesting fact: A 20-year study from the University of Utah found that couples who fought frequently had a significantly higher risk of early mortality due to stress-related illnesses.
Final thoughts
All couples fight. It’s impossible to agree with your partner on literally everything, and a healthy conflict is actually a good one where both parties share their needs, fears, and expectations, and, in the end, work on the problem together and find that compromise.
The key is to express your anger healthily so the tiniest cracks in trust it causes don’t turn into rifts.
You’ve got this! 💚
P.S. By the way, therapy is a good idea if you’re looking for some effective anger management techniques😉.
Published by HOLR Magazine.