Long term relationships take work. You’ve probably heard that before. Unfortunately, it’s true. It’s extremely rare to feel madly in love with your partner 100% of the time. Understanding the difference between a toxic relationship/a relationship that is no longer working, and a relationship that just needs a little work is key.
If you don’t feel a spark with your partner anymore, there are ways to get it back. The spark you feel at the beginning, will naturally fizzle out overtime. All of the hormones and chemicals wear off and we’re left with the foundation that we have built together. If that foundation is not strong enough, arguments happen more frequently, we begin to feel resentful, and we start questioning whether this is who we really want to be with.
If you believe that your partner may just need a little work, let’s take a look at how you can fall in love with your partner for a second time.
The first rule of falling in love with your partner for a second time is communicating. People have different communication styles, which is why it’s so important to be self aware, non judgemental, and avoid using language that blames them for all of your problems. There are two people in the relationship!
Pick a good time when you’re both relaxed and free to talk about the issues you believe you have. Remember: this is not the time to point the finger and say everything is their fault. Communicate your needs with them, and ask them what they need. Let them know what you think you should both do. You both need to be willing to work on the relationship if it’s going to work. If you can’t seem to understand one another, a relationship therapist could be a viable option.
Don’t underestimate the importance of having quality conversations in general, either. Talk about your day. Ask questions. Really listen to one another. Put down your phones!
Commit To Date Days and Nights
Commit to regular date days and nights. Time on your own is important, of course – co-dependent relationships are just as unhealthy. However, regular dates will help you to stay close and ensure you’re both doing fun new things together. Try cooking together, exploring new places, and trying new hobbies. Think outside of the box a little.
Learn One Another’s Love Language
The reason many people call up the divorce lawyer before working on a relationship, is because they just can’t get to grip with one another’s love language. You may show your love with gifts, while your partner needs words of affirmation. You may think you’re showing your love, but they may not feel it!
Try to kiss everyday. Spending time having some physical contact and being close can make a big difference to how you feel about one another.
List The Things You Love About Your Partner
When we’ve been together a while, we can end up picking at our partner for every little thing, and focusing on every little thing we don’t like. Try focusing on the things you do like about them for a while. This doesn’t mean you should ignore huge red flags, but changing your mindset can make a huge difference!